The battle is over

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Originally uploaded by Professor pimpcain

but not without casualties, my face was nicked thrice.

Knife fight with my face hairs

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Originally uploaded by Professor pimpcain

shaving with a knife

For the love of all that is good and manly

My great Uncle Gib was a very gnarly dude. He group up poor (and thats poor during the great depression, not just regular poor). He was a member of the Merrill's Marauders a special infantry group that fought in south east asia during WWII that suffered 100% casualties (everyone was jacked up, the least of those were the guys who got malaria. He and his brothers cut firelines by hand, he ran down a young coyote on foot. The man was the epitome of bad ass. He was also a perfectionist, making unbroken chains out of solid blocks of wood, he once sharpened an ax so sharp that he could shave with it just because one of his friends thought it couldnt be done.

I saw Uncle Gib only once in my life, i was about 8 years old at the time and he made quite the impression on me. He was very tall and imposing man and his tail of the extremely sharp ax created a desire to do the same one day.

Awhile back i obtained one of my dad's old K-bars and made it my goal to sharpen it to where i could shave with it.

Shortly after I embarked on this journey i came to the realization that i will most likely never try to sharpen an ax to that point. I Spent countless hours (15 hours is considered countless)sharpening that knife. you start with a wetstone, use the rough side, then the smooth side of the wetstone, then move onto leather and finally you finish it off with glass. Yeah, sharpening with glass, who would have thought.

Unfortunately for my face, i did not get to the glass sharpening part before i lost patience. I woke up feeling that the time was right, I had a very manly masculine tough glittery burly beard that needed shaving. so i took my amazingly sharp knife and got to business.

I had a few rules i set for myself-
1) no matter what, i would follow through and shave my whole face.
2) I could only use shaving cream once, i could not re-apply
3) I had to do it outside in the desert around a campfire after eating a can of pork and beans.
4) I had to keep my tough masculine composure the entire way through.

Needless to say, it was a painful and ineffective experience, I got my shave, but it was far from the best shave i have ever gotten, all though it was by far the most satisfying.

Blogging

To me, blogging seems to be the second greatest form of attention whoring on the internet, barely behind TWITTER.

That being said, I have decided to start a new blog, I used to have one on MYSPACE, but MYSPACE is not deep enough for my incredible thoughts.

There are two reasons why I am going to start blogging again, the first being that I am the single greatest attention whore I know, I LOVE to hear myself talk. The second reason is that a few individuals have bugged me about starting a blog... Danny...

You may be wondering who Cornelius Pimpcain is, thats my pen name and one of my many alternate personalities (Houston Jones, Johnny Cragern, Joe Biden ect.). Cornelius is from Yorkshire in England and is an Adjunct professor at the University of Southern California San Diego.

In this blog I intend on covering a variety of subjects where i will convince you that i am an expert in. Anything you read on this blog you can take for fact, this is as reliable source as fox news (i get all my news there since they are SO fair and balanced) I wont lie like those communists over at CNN.